We could have skipped a step
Customer : What do you think? Snapper or cod?
Me: The cod has been really good this week.
Customer:I don’t like cod.
Me: ….the snapper is good too.
Customer: I’ll take a pound.
Customer: Is there gluten in these crab cakes?
Me: It doesn’t say “gluten free,” so it’s likely.
Customer: Trying to eat gluten free is really hard.
Me: Yeah, my mom had issues with gluten and she says the same thing.
Customer : You know, it’s she had issues with gluten, then you probably have issues with gluten too.
Me: Um. .. yeah. It’s probably coming…
Customer: You already have it That’s where this (pointing at my stomach and indicating the size) comes from.
Me: So anything else I can help you with?
Truth in Advertising
Customer : Is this the tilapia that’s on sale?
Me: Let me check. This is my first day working this sale.
Customer: The sign says it’s on sale.
Me: Then yes. That’s the tilapia on sale.
Do you sell maps
Customer: Your ALASKAN salmon says its wild caught. But where is it from? Is it American?
Me : Um…its from Alaska.
( Blank stare )
Me : Yes, its American.
Customer : Great! I’ll take a pound.
Customer: I want a pound of shrimp!
Me: Yes, sir.
Customer: And hurry up! I’m not one of those housewives with all the time in the world.
Me: Um…yes, sir.
(meanwhile this tiny older woman walked up behind him)
Woman: Excuse me?!?! I have all the time in the world?!?!? Let me tell you about my day! I have to wake up at five to make sure my boys get up for school…
(I keep getting his shrimp, while he stands there not making eye contact with her. It is VERY CLEAR he is uncomfortable.)
Woman: …then I have to run my errands. I went to the dry cleaner cause my husband needs a suit for a wedding cleaned…
Me: Here’s your shrimp.
(He takes it and walks away. The woman follows behind him, continuing to yell at him.)
Woman: I’m at the store because its my turn to cook dinner for a family at our church who just suffered a loss. Then I have to….
(A little while later, I walk up front to by a drink on my break. At the register is the Customer…and the woman. He is turning red and is still silent.)
Woman: I have to make dinner tonight! Ain’t nobody gonna help me! So you listen to me..
(She kept going, but I went back to my department with my water.)
See you on the other side
Customer: Is this where you make sandwiches?
Me: No that’s in the deli. (Pointing to the other side of the store) On the other side.
Customer: Of the store?!?
Me: Um…yeah… on the other side of the store.
You are here
Customer: (looking around the meat department) Do you guys have fresh bread around here?
Me: Yeah. We’ve got a bakery on (I make a gesture indicating the direction) the other side of the store.
Customer: (turning to look directly behind her at the frozen seafood case) Where? Behind me? (She opens a door, revealing frozen shrimp) Where’s the bread?
Me: Um… is on the other side of the store. You have to walk down this aisle.
Maps be damned! Just perform!
I love improv. I love teaching it. I love performing it. I love watching it.
I can truly say it changed my life. It brought me out of my shell. It gave me a circle of friends that are closer to me than family. It gave me a secret handshake that allows me to enter this world no matter where I am. I feel like everyone should give it a try at least once.
It doesn’t matter where you do it; A huge theatre in a big city, a crappy bar in the middle of nowhere, or in a living room somewhere. I’m just happy that you get to be apart of this amazing experience.
I want to exist in a world where there’s more improv, not less. I’ve seen amazing work in some of the “big theatres. ” I’ve also seen amazing work in smaller venues that you probably have never heard of.
To me, your passion for improv is way more important than your geographical location. Find a way to do the work you love with the people you want to work with.
It doesn’t matter where you are. It doesn’t matter where you studied. Just get up there and perform!
Our Meat is on Fire
(While working the counter, I smell smoke. I check around and find out that the chicken case has caught on fire.)
(I yell for the guy I’m working with. He grabs a fire extinguisher and I start moving stuff in the case so we can get to the growing electrical fire. )
(A customer approaches. He sees this: I’m holding up a shelf so that my coworker can get the extinguisher close to the VISIBLE FLAMES.)
Customer: Do you guys have anymore hams?
Me: Yeah. I’ll get them after we take care of this.
Customer: (agitated) Is there anyone else that can help me?
Me: No. Is just us. I’ll get them as soon as the fire is out.
Customer: Could you hurry?